My mom heart matters. The way that I see things and the way I behave matter. I can change the world through my choices and behavior. I can send happy healthy children out into the world or the kind of kids that will keep therapist in business for years to come. I realized though that I have to ditch the past. Each new day that God gives me is a chance to be the best mommy I can be. The way I was raised does not have to be my legacy for my children. Reacting in anger has no place in my home anymore. Being aware is the first step and I am aware.
I recall Sally Clarkson telling the story of a mom who came home from the conference to a sleeping husband, messy house and dishes overflowing from the sink. Well I am happy to announce that I came home to a messy house, sink full of dishes....and fiftenn minutes in a child needing to go to the ER. My sweet little girl hit here ear directly on the edge of a chest at the end of our bed so hard it busted the top of her ear lobe and even popped open the skin on the head behind the ear...OUCH!!!! So off to the ER we went.
Three hours, glue, and an antibiotic later we were back home...phew! Time to start unpacking and doing laundry only I discover that a piece that regulates the fabric softner and bleach dispenseers on my wahing machine are gone. Hastily and in a really high pitch squeaky voice I asked my mom whaere she thought I might find it. Oh of course...the trash...oh and that would be the one that is in the dumpster. Grrr....out into to the pouring rain to go dumpster diving..my life long dream.
By 10 last night I had all the kids in bed, laundry was going, and I was exhausted. Funny thing though I could not sleep I was trying to rewind and remember everything that was said. I remembered what seemed like nothing. My mom heart though it remembers...My heart matters and so do my kids. I spent today being positive (at least more so than usual) I have also told all of my kids at least once today how much I love being their mom and how blessed I feel that they are my children. Its a start to a better life.